Senior Soccer Ulster Final
We all met in the Coffee Dock in the morning for a good gossip and a moan about sore legs. Corey noticed a missing Lorcan Bradley. “He’s likely counting sheep” says Jimmyroe. These allegations were soon to be thrown out when we all remembered that Lorcan can’t count. He wasn’t long turning up anyhow, still with sleep in his eyes and the curlers in his hair. Generosity was shown when Mark Spencer decided to boil the kettle and make us all a drop of tea, but tightness was to overrule generosity in the end up when he failed to produce any buns or biscuits and using 1 teabag to 5 cups.
The bus landed and the door bust open. No Seamus O’Donnell, it was Conor Susie. The Panicking started. “I hope he doesn’t start singing!” and “When Susie’s singing in the Persian, not even the draft will come in” were among a number of complaints made. We got away anyways after 10 minutes of convincing him to leave the guitar and his CD’s behind. We pulled into Centra, first man to the deli counter was Jimmyroe. To save time, Shane Glack got 3 of us to grab the corner of the deli and tip it into the bus for Ciaran.
Fanad was a brave distance away so we needed music. I was DJ (not to be getting me mixed up with the other DJ (McGeoghegan), who unlike myself, nobody wants to listen to). There was some classics, from Shunie Crampsey to Daniel ODonnell, from Stormzy to Wheeler Walker. Songs like Wonderwall, and Oro Se Do Bheatha’ Bhaile. A special thanks to Aine 'n' Tara for lifting money in the supporters bus and having the patience to wait on Adam The Hatter’s mother to come late with Adam's booster seat and his dummy.
The warm-up had its usual antics - misplaced passes, complaints from Houghton and moans from Cade, who has finally been dropped after Mr. Cavanagh found sense and gave him his P45. Mr. Cavanagh named out the squad anyways, but we were missing our CB Jake. After the sound of “PLOMP” we weren’t long finding his whereabouts. Jake's hind was hugging the toilet bowl. There he was without sense nor toilet paper. We solved the problem by throwing in Brendan Lackin’s shinpads.
Photo of wee Corey celebrating taken by Gary Foy. Great shot, son!
Carndonagh CS 1-0 St. Columba's (wee Corey to the rescue!)
Columba's looked strong, especially seeing as they had Donegal’s number 1 (number 16 after yesterday's performance against Kerry), Mark Anthony McGinley as a manager. But after realising he conceded more goals than Carn FC did last year, CCS weren’t long finding confidence. CCS looked the stronger of the 2 sides and were more used to a poor pitch (sure they played their last game in Paddy’s Park). The first proper chance fell to wee Corey who took it past a lock of men but sent the ball right down the throat of the keeper. Keeper Houghton was in fine tune today and critics reckon he could kick the ball further than Tiger Woods could drive her with his golf club. In one rather surreal moment, he kicked it so far he smashed the lightbulb in Fanad lighthouse.
To be honest, I didn’t see much of the first half as Charlie Collins (uncle of John’s) from DonegalSportsHub had us all on the phone to Cristiano Ronaldo and Mark McHugh. Charlie had a great laugh at Mikey up front doing nothing and the fact that Jimmyroe was in midfield, Cristiano had a good laugh at that one too. The half-time show was one of excellence; Bald Benny managed do a few chip 'n' scoops. They were really enjoying showing off to the lads 'n' lassies on the sidelines. The poor lads in the dressing room got an eardrum full of Mr. Cavanagh and were forced onto the wobbleboard to shed a few stone for the second half. The wobble board seemed to work its magic as Carn came out as new men. An inspired attack starting from Derry Reserves star Kieran passed it to the monster among boys, Conor O’Donnell, who was being tossed by a Columba's defender, aided with a strong gale on the edge of the box. A free kick was awarded. This led to the toss of a coin on who’s going to hit it - Houghton or wee Corey. Corey won it and stepped over the ball. He gazed over to the fans, looking Seamie O’Donnell in the eyes, nodding and saying “This will be for you, Seamie”. It ended up being storm Ophelia who came out of nowhere to help Corey deflect it off the wall. It trickled in past the Keeper, who was on the phone buying a cow off the Castleblaney Cowboys Goalkeeper. It went down as an own-goal, and deservedly so. The final few minutes were very intense and needed leaders, so we decided to bring Mikey off and bring on Cade. For once Cade didn’t do too bad now but still has a lot to improve on. Cade was a part of the Carn FC side who went 3-1 up on Culdaff on Sunday, only to bottle it in the 2nd half and lose 5-3. CCS won the game 1-0 and make it a consecutive 3 wins of the Cup on the bounce in 3 years. Semi final of the All-Ireland to be played on Tuesday, 6th February. Neither venue nor opponent has been confirmed.
Daniel Houghton - the return of Daniel De Gea, starting to look like Oisin O Doherty though.
Lee McLaughlin – spending too much time in the gym or Harkin's chip shop; can’t fit into the shorts.
Fionn McClure – a left foot as sweet as a fig roll.
Kieran Farren – unlike his brother he’ll make it in Derry FC and not Poundland.
Jake Harkin – showed his inner Tiernan Devine and made a mockery of himself.
Oisin Hession – The wheel's turning but the hamsters dead.
Conor O’Donnell – as hard as a goats knee, twice the man of Jimmyroe.
Jack Lackin – lucky not to be sent off, pity he wasn’t. I'm a fan of brother Benny.
Wee Corey McBride – only thing good to come out of Rasheeny since John Farren n Semus the Bush.
Ciaran JimmyRoe – eating too many fatty foods n not enough cabbage and bacon.
Mikey Friel – as slow as a wet week. Should take up snooker or bingo.
Callum Harley – Mark Anthony curled up into a ball when he spoke. The Holy Prodigy.
Jack Fildara – can do it on FIFA but not in real life.
Bald Benny – lost the hair due to the win. You know you're ugly when a boiling kettle won’t even whistle at you.
Nathan Logue – yet to see him play. Maybe that’s a good thing. He’s from Carn.
Pearse McCarron – you'd be as well with Paddy McCarron in the CO-OP.
Lorcan Bradley – if he was as quick as his tongue he’d be smashing world records in the Olympics.
Nathan McConalogue – sorry, didn’t mean to put his name in.
Cade Cooke – 100%, definitely, without a doubt, the worst player I've ever played with, and I played with Liam Gallagher and Oisin McGonagle!
Luke Rudden – be better off with Luke Skywalker.
Conor Susie – drives like Otto from The Simpsons
Seamie o’Donnell – held the bus well; as long as Daniel Martin doesn’t come back were happy.
Supporters – they were like pains in ur side. Seamie reckons never again.
Mr. Mark Spencer – miserable, you could poo through the eye of a needle after drinking his tea.
Mr. Martin Cavanagh – good move to bring Mikey off, bad move bringing Cade on